Revenge of the Stiff? Was Neo really Luke's father?

I first saw the original Star Wars film at a drive-in when I was 11 years old. There was about 5 of us kids in the bed of a pick-up truck and I seriously doubt I had any idea of the impact it would have on my impressionable mind. Every kid loved Star Wars. It wasn't a geek thing like Dungeons and Dragons or Star Trek. There was something crack-like about the characters and story. You wanted to see it multiple times, buy the toys, lunch box, halloween costumes, etc. What amazes me most is that Darth Vader was the character I (and obviously others) was most drawn to. As a kid my heroes were Speed Racer, Gigantor, Green Lantern, and Spiderman. After Star Wars, my attraction to "bad guy" characters was born. I see that in my movie tastes today. Why else would I love Frank Booth from Blue Velvet? I will never look at Heineken or Pabst Blue Ribbon the same. Talk about the dark side ("Now it's dark").

Since Darth Vader was so nostalgically a part of my youth I was obviously anticipating the three prequels to see how he became James Earl Jones. Now that all the films on done and on DVD I have to say it's very disappointing. Let's face it, no matter the Lucas apologist, the first two films sucked Jar Jar Binks' brown eye. The acting was horrendous, the story was overly geeky, the characters were weak, and the cartoonish action would make The Matrix III blush. It was total Lucas' filmmaking masturbation. C'mon Georgie, your Yoda action scenes made Neo look like George Burns. I'm not sure you wanted us to laugh at those scenes but that's what we all did. After suffering through the first two prequels I figured the payoff would come in Revenge of the Sith.

Without question everyone who paid to see it, buy it, or rent it did so for the one minute sequence of Anakin donning the black gear. I have to admit I enjoyed that moment. The electro-breathing and James Earl Jones' voice took me back to that pick-up truck in 1977. For that moment I forgave Lucas for all his prequel sins. There is something so great about a moment that takes you back to a simpler time. However the action leading up to that moment was silly and ridiculous. The whole Anakin/Obi-Wan lava ballet is comical. I wanted to love this movie (and the other prequels for that matter) but they fall well short of the franchise's standard. Why?

I think I can sum up what was wrong with all three prequels with two words; Han Solo. That's what was missing. The humor and bullshit bravado that he brought kept the originals from taking themselves too seriously. I think that was Lucas' big problem in these pictures. He took himself way too seriously. He acted like he was making Godfather II. Watch the documentaries on the DVDs, he's quite a pompous ass. Try and picture the originals with a stiff character portrayal of Han like almost every role in the prequels. It's impossible. There is no character in the prequels that resemble anything of Solo's ilk. George tried to establish the comedy element in the Jar Jar Binks ridiculous character. If you watch the documentary of the Phantom Menace DVD you will see that Lucas thought Jar Jar was going to steal the picture. I believe his quote was "kids are going to love this character". Use the force George. Even after Jar Jar was crucified by fans, George stubbornly included him in the next two films. A nice little "fuck you, I'm George Lucas!" to all us fans. Without the Han element he tried to overcompensate with over the top effects and general buffoonery. He should've given these films to another director, plain and simple. Maybe they would've been honest enough to realize the missing link of Han Solo.